Guides · for adults, 18+
The yes / no / maybe list, done so nobody has to go first
A yes/no/maybe list is a list of things two people might do together. Each person marks every line with yes, maybe or no, and then you compare. OurMaybe does the comparing for you: you each answer on your own phone, and the page only shows the lines where neither of you said no.
Where the idea comes from
Yes/no/maybe lists have been passed around by sex educators and therapists for decades, usually as a printed sheet. Two people fill it in and swap pages. It works because it replaces one big question ("what are you into?") with a hundred small ones that take two seconds each.
The paper version has one flaw. When you swap pages, you see everything the other person marked, including every no next to one of your yeses. Some people fill in the sheet more cautiously because of that, which defeats the purpose.
How the online version works
- Pick a list and a level. After Dark has three levels: Warm, Hot and Everything. You choose how far it goes before either of you sees a single line.
- Answer alone. One line at a time, yes, maybe or no. A full list takes five to ten minutes.
- Send one link. Your partner answers the same list on their own phone. They never see your answers.
- Read the overlap together. Only the lines where neither of you said no. Two yeses are marked differently from a yes and a maybe.
Paper list or OurMaybe
| Printed list | OurMaybe | |
|---|---|---|
| Who sees a no | Both of you | Nobody |
| Give and receive | Often one line for both | Asked separately, matched against each other |
| Choosing how far it goes | You get the whole sheet | Three levels, picked in advance |
| Account or app | None | None |
| What is kept | The paper | An encrypted file, deleted after 30 days |
What to do with the result
Start with the two-yes lines; those need no discussion. Then pick one maybe each and ask what would make it a yes. A maybe usually means "under some condition," and the condition is often small: slower, not on a weeknight, only after talking it through.
If the list comes back short, that says little about you two. It mostly says the list was short. Try the next level, or start with Date Night, which is the same idea for things to do with your clothes on.
Questions people ask
- Is the yes/no/maybe list free?
- Yes. Every list on OurMaybe is free, and there is no account to create.
- Can my partner see what I said no to?
- No. The page only ever shows lines where neither of you said no. A no is not shown, counted or hinted at.
- Do we need to be in the same room?
- No. You each answer on your own device, whenever it suits you. The overlap appears on the shared link once both have answered.
- Is it only about sex?
- No. Date Night is a yes/no/maybe list for dates, trips and small rituals. After Dark is the one for adults.
Last updated October 8, 2026.