Guides · for adults, 18+
A kink list for couples, from mild to bold
This is a list of more than 70 things couples try together, written in plain language and sorted into three levels: Warm, Hot and Everything. Reading it is one use. The other is to answer it separately and let OurMaybe show only the items you both said yes or maybe to.
Warm
Closeness, words and touch. Nothing here should startle anyone.
Closeness
- Kiss for a long time without it having to lead anywhere
- Fall asleep naked, wrapped around each other
- A whole evening of touching and kissing where sex is off the table on purpose
- Give each other a slow back massage with oil
- Undress each other slowly
- Trace each other's whole body with your fingertips
- Shower together
- Stay tangled up for a long while afterward
Words
- Tell each other what you find most attractive about the other
- Send each other flirty texts in the middle of the day
- Whisper to each other what you'd like to do later
Hands & mouths
- Make out on the couch like teenagers, clothes on
- Kiss each other's neck and shoulders
Senses
- Candles, music, and enough time
- Feed each other something sweet with your fingers
Places
- Somewhere in the house that isn't the bed
Just talk
- Tell each other about a dream that was better than expected
Hot
More specific: mouths, toys, taking the lead, other rooms.
Closeness
- Keep eye contact during sex
- Very slow sex, barely moving, just feeling
- Leave the lights on and look at each other
- Give each other a full-body massage, thighs and butt included
Words
- Say out loud during sex what feels good
- Talk dirty to each other
- Tell each other exactly how you want to be touched
- Be louder than usual
Hands & mouths
- Use only your hands on each other, start to finish
- Go down on each other
- Go down on each other at the same time
- Take your time with each other's chest and nipples
- Bring each other close and slow down, more than once
- A quickie when there's barely time for it
- Try a position you've never done
Senses
- Take turns being blindfolded
- Run an ice cube over each other's skin
- Tease each other with a feather or a soft brush
- Something edible, eaten off skin
Toys
- Shop for a toy together, online or in a store
- Use a vibrator on each other
- Use a toy together during sex
- Use lube as a matter of course, not as a fix
Leading & following
- Take turns deciding everything for an evening
- Take turns holding each other's wrists down
- Take turns giving the instructions
Places
- In the shower
- In a hotel room booked only for that
- In the car, parked somewhere quiet
Showing & watching
- Undress for each other
- Wear something chosen for the occasion
- Watch yourselves in a mirror
Just talk
- Tell each other a fantasy you've never said out loud, with no obligation to do it
- Talk about what you used to do and miss
- Talk about which scene in a movie or book got to you
Everything
Restraints, spanking, anal play and the fantasies people rarely mention.
Words
- Send each other explicit photos, only for the two of you
Hands & mouths
- Leave marks on each other where clothes will cover them
Senses
- Drip warm massage-candle wax on each other
Toys
- Take turns holding the remote
- Try a ring or sleeve
Leading & following
- Take turns having your hands tied with something soft
- Spank each other lightly
- Take turns making each other wait
- Pull each other's hair, gently
- Agree on a safeword and actually use it
Places
- Outdoors, somewhere you're sure to be alone
- Quietly, with other people in the next room
Showing & watching
- Touch yourselves while the other watches
- Watch something explicit together
Further out
- Explore the outside of each other's butt, with lube
- Use a small anal toy on each other, with plenty of lube and time
- Anal sex, slowly, in both directions
- Play a scene: strangers at a bar, a boss, a house call
- Dress up or wear a costume for it
Just talk
- Talk about taking photos or video that only the two of you ever see
- Talk about the fantasy of being watched
- Talk about what a third person would be like, as a fantasy
- Talk about what you're curious about and what worries you
How to use a list like this
Reading a list together tends to go one of two ways: you both nod at the safe items and skip the rest, or one of you points at something and watches the other's face. Neither tells you much.
Answering separately works better. Each of you marks every item yes, maybe or no, and you only see where you agree. That is what the yes/no/maybe list is for, and the kink test for couples explains the levels.
Whatever you try from the far end of the list: agree on a word that means stop, go slower than you think you need to, and talk afterward about what you'd keep.
Questions people ask
- What counts as a kink?
- There is no fixed line. In everyday use it means anything beyond a couple's usual routine, from a blindfold to power play. This list uses three levels instead of a definition.
- Is something wrong if we only like the Warm level?
- No. The levels describe intensity and nothing else. Many couples find most of their overlap at Warm and Hot.
- How do I bring up something on the list?
- The easiest way is not to bring it up at all: both of you answer the list in private, and the item only appears if your partner said yes or maybe too.
Last updated October 8, 2026.